Just fell off a train. Bad.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
