they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
