Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
