John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
