Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
