Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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