Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
