I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
