you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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