I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
