SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
