It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard