i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
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How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
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He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology