He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
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Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
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We have started to decorate penises.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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