I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
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Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.