I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right