i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.