But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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