i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
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Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
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HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high