i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize