I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
