The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
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