Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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