did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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