Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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