Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
