Pappa wants mamma naked
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
