Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
