I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
