OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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