i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
