is your mom at the bar?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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