Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
