I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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