i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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