It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
