Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I came so hard my ears popped.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
