I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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