DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
