My first STD was from a foam party
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
