they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
