I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
