You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
