my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize