i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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