I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
