and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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