I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
