So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
