thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
