Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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