My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
