So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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