You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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