OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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