Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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