Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
