I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
