so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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