its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
