New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
