I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
