so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
