She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
