he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
