When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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