I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
