90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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