I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How many fucks given?
0.12846
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
