How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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