Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
