When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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