I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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