ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
