Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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