I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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