wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
