mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
