You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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