She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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