Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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