i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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