I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
