dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
