Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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