the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize