You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
