Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
